Stop Sexualizing Grandma's and buy a cactus!
As I was slapping on piles of makeup and hating the world around me for
allowing Earth, Mother Nature, Gaia to become a place that deems it almost
unacceptable for me to go for an evening out without covering my natural face in
goo and questionable powders, I realised that at no point in a woman's life
does this ridiculous ritual of falsehood for the purpose of being found
desirable enough ever end. For the first time in my life, recently I heard the
term 'GILF'. that's right! We've moved so much further from American
Pie that it seems now a woman can never be officially over the hill, just
covered in war paint wishing she was under it.
Now my problem here is not living in a society that sexualizes Grandma strangely enough. My problem is the imbalance of men and women of this age. I used to go to a Zumba class with a woman who was 77. Her name was Peggy, she has been married twice, raised five children and survived cancer on two occasions. I think it's great that Peggy wanted to keep fit and healthy but I find it appalling that despite all Peggy had been through the world still didn't give Peggy permission to have a little bit of cellulite. Don't talk to me about cellulite, my thighs look like they have seen some thunder let me tell you!
More and more stores are stocking products designed to make the older lady feel sensual, confident and sexy. there is Lacy lingerie, stilettos with bunion pads installed and my personal favourite the TENA lady thong. How empowering to live in a world that prefers the winter hen to the spring chicken. Let's take a look at the gents, shall we? If your trousers are so high up around your waist that I can see your ankles you’re probably not my Prince Charming.
I think it's lovely that elderly couples have grooming sex lives. However, I feel as a woman I would like a retirement age. I have noticed that by the time a lot of men reach the age of 35 it becomes totally acceptable to have a beer belly and a hairy back that people see in public on a regular basis and yet you will be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn't feel compelled by Society to shave her legs when she's visiting a female gynaecologist. Seriously, think about it there are so many situations in which a woman of any age feels the need to change herself to seem more acceptable to society. Mammogram, I'd better pluck my nipple hairs so I don't let the entire female race down and men find out we grow them too. Do I want to go to the gym? I can't because I've got nothing cute to wear.
I want to tell you that I noticed how little Charlie the cactus has drank because I was in the bathroom, up to my eyeballs with bubbles in a bath coloured and scented by the 'a French kiss' bubble bar from Lush. That is a lie. I was in the bathroom using the toilet because I have reached the age now, where if I cough too hard I accidentally urinate a little...Oh well.
A few days ago, I decided to fill my cactus's (Charlie's) pot with enough water to last him a month because I often forget for weeks at a time that he exists. Charlie is quite short and round as cactuses go, I like to think he gets that from me; he doesn't want for much and the amethyst crystal tumble stone I keep in his soil is his ideal companion. Mainly because their colours complement one another and I saw a friend do it once.
I feel like this is a metaphor for what I want from my old age. I want to be left alone, I want to be allowed to be myself. I want to be short and round and cactussy without being made to feel bad about it. I want to live in a world where I have no option but to wear granny pants so I have an excuse...to wear granny pants. It's now acceptable and common for people to get Botox in their early twenties, to get semi-permanent tattoo make up over each individual stretch mark. If I got all my stretch marks tattooed I'd look like a tiger woman. Who on Earth came up with the term GILF?
The beauty of reaching the oldest of ages should be the honour and freedom you feel. Finally, the fully opened rose, the waning moon and teacher to all. Who looked at their grandma and thought yup!. I’m 29 and already I'm exhausted, let these women have a break. Call your Nana and tell her how much you love her just the way she is and if you're going to visit, why not get her a cactus as they're on sale at Lidl.
Freja
Now my problem here is not living in a society that sexualizes Grandma strangely enough. My problem is the imbalance of men and women of this age. I used to go to a Zumba class with a woman who was 77. Her name was Peggy, she has been married twice, raised five children and survived cancer on two occasions. I think it's great that Peggy wanted to keep fit and healthy but I find it appalling that despite all Peggy had been through the world still didn't give Peggy permission to have a little bit of cellulite. Don't talk to me about cellulite, my thighs look like they have seen some thunder let me tell you!
More and more stores are stocking products designed to make the older lady feel sensual, confident and sexy. there is Lacy lingerie, stilettos with bunion pads installed and my personal favourite the TENA lady thong. How empowering to live in a world that prefers the winter hen to the spring chicken. Let's take a look at the gents, shall we? If your trousers are so high up around your waist that I can see your ankles you’re probably not my Prince Charming.
I think it's lovely that elderly couples have grooming sex lives. However, I feel as a woman I would like a retirement age. I have noticed that by the time a lot of men reach the age of 35 it becomes totally acceptable to have a beer belly and a hairy back that people see in public on a regular basis and yet you will be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn't feel compelled by Society to shave her legs when she's visiting a female gynaecologist. Seriously, think about it there are so many situations in which a woman of any age feels the need to change herself to seem more acceptable to society. Mammogram, I'd better pluck my nipple hairs so I don't let the entire female race down and men find out we grow them too. Do I want to go to the gym? I can't because I've got nothing cute to wear.
I want to tell you that I noticed how little Charlie the cactus has drank because I was in the bathroom, up to my eyeballs with bubbles in a bath coloured and scented by the 'a French kiss' bubble bar from Lush. That is a lie. I was in the bathroom using the toilet because I have reached the age now, where if I cough too hard I accidentally urinate a little...Oh well.
A few days ago, I decided to fill my cactus's (Charlie's) pot with enough water to last him a month because I often forget for weeks at a time that he exists. Charlie is quite short and round as cactuses go, I like to think he gets that from me; he doesn't want for much and the amethyst crystal tumble stone I keep in his soil is his ideal companion. Mainly because their colours complement one another and I saw a friend do it once.
I feel like this is a metaphor for what I want from my old age. I want to be left alone, I want to be allowed to be myself. I want to be short and round and cactussy without being made to feel bad about it. I want to live in a world where I have no option but to wear granny pants so I have an excuse...to wear granny pants. It's now acceptable and common for people to get Botox in their early twenties, to get semi-permanent tattoo make up over each individual stretch mark. If I got all my stretch marks tattooed I'd look like a tiger woman. Who on Earth came up with the term GILF?
The beauty of reaching the oldest of ages should be the honour and freedom you feel. Finally, the fully opened rose, the waning moon and teacher to all. Who looked at their grandma and thought yup!. I’m 29 and already I'm exhausted, let these women have a break. Call your Nana and tell her how much you love her just the way she is and if you're going to visit, why not get her a cactus as they're on sale at Lidl.
Freja
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